The Wall Street Journal is really going for broke with these "lightning rod"-type opinion pieces lately. Amy Chua, the Tiger Mother, stayed atop the Journal's "most-read" list for weeks by outraging all of Western motherhood with her brash claims of Chinese superiority. Now, a new essay by Kay S. Hymowitz aims to do the same thing with single men.

In "Where have the good men gone?" Hymowitz argues guys suck these days. There is some sociology stuff that purports to show how young men are getting stuck in an extended "pre-adulthood" because of the "knowledge economy," and also Judd Apatow movies. But this is just an excuse for the part where she gets to bash them:

Single men have never been civilization's most responsible actors; they continue to be more troubled and less successful than men who deliberately choose to become husbands and fathers. So we can be disgusted if some of them continue to live in rooms decorated with "Star Wars" posters and crushed beer cans and to treat women like disposable estrogen toys, but we shouldn't be surprised.

Relatively affluent, free of family responsibilities, and entertained by an array of media devoted to his every pleasure, the single young man can live in pig heaven-and often does. Women put up with him for a while, but then in fear and disgust either give up on any idea of a husband and kids or just go to a sperm bank and get the DNA without the troublesome man. But these rational choices on the part of women only serve to legitimize men's attachment to the sand box. Why should they grow up? No one needs them anyway. There's nothing they have to do.

Oh ho ho! Oh no she did not.

I guess, being an unmarried man who enjoys a good fart joke now and then, I could get indignant about this and argue that there are worse things for a woman than having to date a guy who's into old sci-fi movies. Like, I don't know, not being able to vote, or utterly lacking opportunities outside of childbearing and homemaking. Or I could point out that there actually exists in the world millions and millions of single men who are not (white) "relatively affluent" dude-bros—men who have been essentially shut out of the knowledge economy Hymowitz credits with making men suck. But that's just what the Wall Street Journal wants!

Instead, I would like to pitch the WSJ my own troll-ass essay, in which I argue that a number of socioeconomic and cultural changes in society have led us to a moment in history where boys rule and girls drool. Fart noise.

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