Metro-North officials say the footage on this Youtube video—showing a train door that remains open for two and a half minutes as the train flies full speed through New York City—is "very disturbing." Um yeah.

Mostly because Smiley McNonchalance there with the black hair and glasses is just stone cold standing right next to the open train door as if it wasn't even open, exposing him to the deadly tracks hurtling by at breakneck speeds only inches away. "You've had a long day, Smiley," whispers the evil train track, its toothy ties greedily eying the scrumptious suburbanite. "Just lean on the door and relax. There, there."

Metro-North officials say you should notify a conductor if you find yourself in a similar situation. The train tracks say you should instead hurl yourself from the train as quickly as possible, because that opportunity doesn't come along every day.