Scarlett and Sandy are on the verge of a wet t-shirt cat fight! Selena Gomez's parents freak out over her missing promise ring! Anna Wintour humiliates Kristen Stewart with an ugly shirt! Friday gossip sets back the feminist movement.

  • A "livid" Scarlett Johansson "exploded" at Sandra Bullock, who is maybe-dating Scarlett's ex Ryan Reynolds "before the ink on their divorce papers was even dry": "You're a man-hungry tramp!" Scarlett apparently screamed in a fit of rage and in front of an undercover operative for the National Enquirer. You know the "source" is actually a professional gossip reporter—not a normal human who happens to be friends with Scarlett Johansson—when they give quotes like this: "Sandra may be known as 'America's Sweetheart,' but she's NO sweetheart to Scarlett." Normal people don't talk that way; only wishful-thinking National Enquirer editors. [NationalEnquirer, images via Getty]
  • Natalie Portman is "very superstitious" about the contents of her womb, and refuses to plan too far into the baby's future. "I'm very Jewish that way. We don't do that. I'll be out of the public eye." Don't worry, we'll soldier on with baseless speculation, anyway. [People]

Anna Wintour finally forgave Kristen Stewart for whatever unspoken crime got the sulky starlet canned from a planned cover last year. (Replacement: Wintour buttkisser Blake Lively, without pants.) But now Kristen's long-awaited Vogue cover has finally arrived! She is wearing a hideous top that is half men's undershirt, half bumble bee piñata. She looks really uncomfortable. [Celebitchy, HollywoodLife, LaineyGossip]

  • Selena Gomez's parents "became unglued" when she took her promise ring off—and then started dating Justin Bieber! Eh, it could be worse. When Taylor Swift was Selena's age, she dated a 33-year-old John Mayer. [Enquirer via Celebitchy]
  • Speaking of Bieber, he was hospitalized last night for an "allergic reaction" that messed up his ability to breathe while filming another guest appearance for CSI: Clumsy Shuffleboard . "He's fine now and back on set." Phew. [L&S]

Everything went wrong when Johnny Depp babysat Brad Pitt's bulldog: "Jacques pounced on me from behind and kept jumping around me. He's not small. Around 175lbs of dog was hurled at me, which felt like about 300lbs. I shouted for help and luckily someone came to take that beast off me." Here's a picture of Jacques the "Pittbull" beside somebody's foot. Totally not 175lbs. [Sun]

  • Selma Blair is pregnant with her first child at the age of 38. She and fashion designer boyfriend Jason Bleick "couldn't be happier." Mazel tov! [People]
  • As long as we're talking babies: Devon Aoki—model, Benihana heiress, sword-brandishing Sin City assassin—is also pregnant, and engaged to her baby daddy. [P6]
  • Who is the mystery "gorgeous, younger modelesque blonde" Jim Carrey is dating?! Crossing my fingers for Lindsay Lohan. [P6]

Oohh, neurotic Andrew Garfield finally put on his Spiderman suit for all the world to see. Let's obsess about his sexxxy body until it drives him into an asthma attack. [People]

  • Kelsey Grammer and Kayte Walsh plan to marry in February. Camille promptly freaked out and filed court papers to slow the proceedings down, so Kelsey can't remarry quite so soon. Camille! Kelsey shakes his fist—and the wadded up panties therein—at thee. [Us, TMZ]