Today just feels...weird, right? You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how lesbian lesbian-obsessed tabloid sex columnist Andrea Peyser is trying to mock Oprah by insinuating that she (Oprah) is lesbian. Is this opposite day in sexxxy land?

We will warn you in advance: Andrea has turned on her subtle sarcasm today. Do not miss her implied meaning here, lurking under the surface.

Oprah wants to make one thing clear: She is absolutely, positively not pining for the female form...

Of course, sharing a warm and cozy tent in the lonely woods with her BFF, Gayle King, is no indication that Oprah is, in any way, one of the sapphic sisters.

"She is the mother I never had," Oprah said of her gal pal, dissolving into tears of sweet, platonic love.

For fear that this may fly over the head of New York Post readers, let us be clear: Andrea is using an advanced technique in today's column in which she says the opposite of what she actually means, in order to imply that Oprah Winfrey really is a lesbian without saying that directly. It's unorthodox, we know; Andrea's readers would be far more comfortable if she'd just come out and call the lady a dyke. But don't let it make you uncomfortable; Andrea is finding new and subtler ways to report on the sexxxy repressed lesbianism of public figures, which is what journalists do. We just wonder where she learned this method.

[NYP. Photo: Getty]