Sextacular New York Post relationship consultant Andrea Peyser knows a thing or two about what men want, and she's about to hit you with some sexxxy wisdom, ladies. Rule One: don't be such a slut. She's talking to you, Maddie.

Andrea has a delightful habit of writing about her "friends" in her columns, with two main subtexts: either "My friend has a convenient actual experience which backs up the xenophobic assertions I'm making in today's column," or "My friend is a whore." We can only hope these friends are fictional, for their own sakes. Today, Andrea, New York's premiere tabloid Love Goddess, updates the famous "Rules" for women to land a man.

As my pal Maddie — dubbed "the wedding slut" by a reader — learned the hard way, a gal can break every modern Rule with a single encounter.

Don't forget to tell your mom you're in the newspaper today, Maddie! Andrea's other friend, Carla, is "smoking hot" and "barely 30," but she can't land a man, instead spending "lonely nights with her cat." (Too insidery.) Andrea's advice to her overflowing coterie of hot, sexxxy, slutty friends: never give it up, ever, and the men will flock to you. Or something like that. We got distracted after the cat part.