Being something of an expert in the business, Lindsay Lohan's mom thinks she should open a chain of rehab centers. Also today: Kelly Bensimon can't stop embarrassing her kids, Joe Francis happily civilizes his union, and some Twilight news.

  • Mother of the decade Dina Lohan has fired off a few new quotes about her beloved daughter, once again lovingly throwing her into the ring of the public eye. This time she is saying that Lindsay, having been to so very many of them and seeing what works and what doesn't work, wants to open up a chain of rehab facilities. "She wants to start her own facilities, help other children. She's so public, we can only be positive and look to the future to help other families." So that's good. That's what it's come to. When in doubt, when lying on the cold slab floor of rock bottom, turn lemons into a national chain of rehab facilities. Lindsay Lohan's Restoriums and Day Spas, now in exclusive partnership with America's Best Value Inns across the country. Menus provided by Red Robin. "Your crippling addiction is our business!" [Us]
  • Well, well, well. Girls Gone Wild genius-poet Joe Francis went and got himself domestic partnered this weekend, to a lady! Yeah, remember there was that whole thing about him not getting married married until gays can too. So good for him. The ceremony went down at Joe's palatial estate, Castle Greytit, in Mexico. Joe, you may now get drunk and convince her to expose herself on camera kiss the bride. [TMZ]
  • Aw. Real Housewives of New York's resident cackle-demon Kelly Bensimon says that her kids find her to be both uncool and embarrassing. "They tell me to wait outside the school and not come in and not to embarrass them. I'm like, I'm not even saying anything." It's true! She's not even saying anything. She's just waiting outside, doing her Leather-Strip Bone Dance, jaw chattering away, eyelids clacking open and shut, with an enormous floppy bonnet tied loosely to her head and a small part of her hair on fire. That's all! She's not even saying anything. But, of course, her kids still think she's lame. Just regular mom/kid stuff! That's all. Just kids and moms being kids and moms, riding home in a car full of jelly beans, little eye holes cleared out for navigating. [People]
  • Nooooooo! Miley Cyrus continues her newly waged War on Decency. This time the beer-drinking sin machine wore a revealing, sex-implying outfit at the MTV Europe Awards. Luckily the MTV Europe Awards were watched only by three teen girls in Cleethorpes, a single gay boy in Dusseldorf, and Billy Ray Cyrus. Those were the only people watching last night. And only one of them was driven to thinking about sex. [Us]
  • Newest American Idol judge Jennifer Lopez is looking to buy an apartment in a controversial high-rise in San Juan, Puerto Rico. See, the $300 million complex is built really close to a historic fort, and was constructed on public land that was sold, shadily, to a private company. There's also a concern about over-development of the shoreline and all that. So, Lopez and her husband Mark Anthony are faced with a dilemma. I mean, this is a tough, tough decision. There's the history of Puerto Rico and its natural beauty and the idea of public land staying public, but then there's also super duper nice high-rise condo! What to do? [P6]
  • Respected philanthropist Kim Kardashian has begun her next Great Work. This one is perhaps the Greatest. She is backing a line of children's credit cards. Yes! Kardashian Prepaid MasterCards teach 13-year-old kids how to be responsible with credit cards. Of all the causes in the world to take up, this is perhaps the noblest. Because it doesn't take parental guidance about fiscal responsibility to teach a kid about credit cards. It takes giving them a credit card. [P6]
  • Sexy stoner ski dog Bode Miller was seen canoodling with a young model at the Avenue nightclub in New York City. One supposes it's possible that he later gave her a little peekaboo on the street. [P6]
  • Humble little Anne Hathaway not only wants to go back and finish college, but she's also pretty stoked for her ten-year high school reunion. "The timing has worked out pretty much in my favor, hasn't it?!" Aw. Well, at least she's being honest about being excited to show up at the reunion forty million times richer and cooler than everyone else. "It will be nice to go back. I'm curious to see how everybody is doing." Meaning, "I can't wait to see how boring and miserable everyone else is. And then I'll say 'Did you know that I'm friends with Meryl?' and they'll say 'Well, ain't that fancy. This here's a gourd I done dugs up in mah own backyard.' And then I'll laugh and write them all checks. What do I care???" I mean, at least that's how I would imagine it, were I Anne Hathaway. [Showbiz Spy]
  • Ivana Trump has a new boyfriend, an art dealer named Michael Kennedy. The Donald has already called him a "powder-puff little girl" and challenged him to an arm wrestling contest. [P6]
  • Shiver me emotional loins, Robert Pattinson and Kiki Stewart were seen pressing their mouths together and perhaps moving their tongues over each other's tongues in Brazil this weekend. No, they weren't on one of those famous Brazilian sex/torture trips! They were filming Twilight: Breaking Dawn: A New Dawn Breaking: Thus Twilight Is Long Over: Dusk Begins. But, you know, since they're rumored to be dating and maybe even getting married, it's probably still pretty romantic, even if Bill Condon and a bunch of weirdo crew members are surrounding them, leering hideously, while Taylor Lautner puts on his pith helmet and sets out on an expedition for Francisco Lachowski. [Celebitchy]

[Photo via Getty]