Today we were a little down about, y'know, all that election stuff. And so was Still-President Obama, who gave a too-humble speech about it. But screw that! It's time for tough talk. Luckily one commenter gave the President a script.
Here's what Obama needed to say:
"Look, you ignorant, Fox News-watching rednecks....I have heard your illogical cries to 'cut government spending' and will do just that — starting immediately.
"I'm implementing a 20 percent cut to ALL federal programs, starting with the three federal programs that consume the majority of our tax dollars: Medicare/Medicaid, Social Security and Defense.
"Don't whine to me about how you 'need' your government-subsidized Medicare or Medicaid...you want cuts to government spending; you'll get cuts to government spending.
"Don't bitch about how you can't afford to have your Social Security check cut. You've made it clear that federal budget cuts are your priority.
"And just in case you think we need MORE defense spending, let me fill you in — the US military budget is larger than the military budgets of China, Britain, France, Russia, Germany, Japan, Saudia Arabia, Italy, South Korea, Brazil, Canada, and Australia combined.
"YOU may want to piss our tax dollars away in unwinnable wars, but since you've demanded cuts to federal spending, I'll be lopping 20 percent off the the defense budget.
"In short, fuck you brain-dead idiots. Ask for cuts to federal spending and you'll get cuts to federal spending. Please direct any whining to the Republicans you voted into office, because I'm done with you inbred asshole teabaggers."