A 21-year-old amateur tattoo artist is being charged with two counts of assault after giving his friend a penis tattoo. A fifteen-inch-long penis tattoo, alongside "a slogan implying he was gay." And all he wanted was a yin-yang!
I could try to tell the story myself, but I think only Detective Constable Paul Malcolm can do it justice:
"Apparently he went round to the other bloke's house and somehow in the course of the conversation the subject of tattoos came up," Const Malcolm said.
"The victim wasn't interested at first but he was talked into it and he said he wanted a Yin and Yang symbol with some dragons.
"He rolled him on to his stomach and the bloke started doing the tattoo and there was another bloke standing there watching saying, ‘Mate, it's looking really good'.
"He was told not to go out into the sun and not to show anyone for a few weeks.
"When he got home he showed it to the person he lives with and she said: ‘I don't think it's the tattoo you were after'."
Some other pertinent details:
- The tattooed penis was 40 cm long, which is about 15 and three-quarters inches.
- It was accompanied by a a "lewd.. slogan implying he was gay." It's unclear what the "slogan" was, but one imagines it was erudite and witty.
- The guy who got tattooed was "allegedly punched and thrown out of the [tattoo artist's] house after he was tattooed."
It's very hard to choose a favorite part of this story! But it's probably the fact that the poor sap wanted "a Yin and Yang symbol with some dragons." Because, honestly! Isn't a fifteen-inch wang and gay joke better than that?