Alex Blagg is a Social Media expert whose consulting firm, a Bajillion Hits, promises to generate the kind of buzz that most denizens of the internet crave. Inside, Blagg answers some key questions. Consider your education underway.

Who has the most strat? Social Media Ninjas, gurus or experts?

I have the most strat, because I'm a Social Media ninja, guru AND expert. But really, those are just labels. The true measure of a man's strat is found in his content, and I'm a Content Artist. I'm basically the Picasso of content. Someday my content will hang in the Smithsonian, right between the Mona Lisa and the Apple iMac.

I have nude cock shots of a celeb, how can I use them to increase my strat?

Uhh, post them onto your Internet site? This is pretty obvious, entry-lev strat, and if you can't even figure out what to do with wang portraits of the rich and famous, you need to get off the Internet and go hang out on MySpace.

How can I use my killer strat to make money?

Well if you truly had killer strat, you would inherently understand the concept of monetization (hits/eyeballs = $$$) and not even have to ask me that. But since you don't, and I feel sorry for you, I'll offer my strat-jacked consulting services at an introductory rate of two 32MB iPad 3Gs an hour. (Note: that's not the cash value of two iPads per hour, that's actually two physical iPads, which are the only currency I currently accept for my services.)

What's the next big thing? Online video? Hyperlocal? Blog to TV deals?

I'm working on a killer app for Facebook called Stratus Updates, which aim to strip away all the bullshit modesty and pseudo-self-deprecation of Status Updates, and instead just really encourage the users to go crazy with the brags about how awesome they are and all the amazing shit they're doing by curating a safe space in which we all acknowledge and accept that it's okay to brag to our friends about our coolness. It'll probably be ready for launch by Q5.

Should I pretend to be gay to do an it gets better video to go viral?

No, if you're as fully committed to driving hits as I am, you would actually just be gay if it was going to seriously impact your Google Analytics bottom line. Because the truth is, the only way anything will actually get better, is if your content gets the attention of influencers and you start to go viral.

At what age is it not ok to have a Justin Bieber haircut?

Nobody should have the Bieber haircut anymore. Everyone knows the new killer hair strat is whipping your hair. (I really feel like you should be paying me to answer these questions for you).

What city is the best place for me to start a startup? Why?

The truth is it doesn't matter anymore, because physical space in the real world is becoming increasingly irrelevant as it is supplanted by the realest real estate, which is space in the stratosphere. Your most premium IRL land values pale in comparison to the worth of a substantial web network with tons of follower engagement among the influential elite.

Should I go to the gym? What should I eat at my desk while I increase my strat?

I suppose this is sort of a personal question, but yes, unless you want to look like fat piece shit with no followers, you should go to the gym. I work out regularly,which is why my abs have turned into a real Stratuation.

What is your policy on having interns?

Interns can be great free resource strat under the following criteria: They need to be hot, have Tumblr accounts that get reblogged a lot (so they can x-promote my content), treat me the way a celebrity should be treated, and be completely willing to accept payment in the form of hits and occasional comments about the hotness of their appearance.

What celeb has the best strat?

Definitely me. But other than me, I'm really into this lady right now. She's so minimalist. It's really nice, clean, well-curated stuff.

I'm a young filmmaker trying to break into the biz, should I try to do a viral video or a vlog?

You should do a viral dog clog vlog. Just make a vlog about a dog clogging and watch how viral that shit goes.

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