Filter-free madman Carl Paladino, New York's Republican gubernatorial candidate, went on television this morning to explain those anti-gay remarks he made to some Jews yesterday. The takeaway: Hey gays? Carl Paladino's your best friend.

Paladino's controversial comments to a gathering of Orthodox Jews in Brooklyn included this, the "brainwashing" part:

"I just think my children and your children would be much better off and much more successful getting married and raising a family, and I don't want them brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option - it isn't."

...And omitted this line, the "dysfunctional" part, from the prepared text at the last minute: "There is nothing to be proud of in being a dysfunctional homosexual."

On the Today show this morning, Paladino said that he didn't mean gays were lesser human beings, but that homosexuality is not an "equally valid and successful option" because of all the discrimination gay people face.

LAUER: One can only deduce from that comment that you do not think the homosexual lifestyle is equal to the heterosexual lifestyle.

PALADINO: It's a very very ugly experience for those that are discriminated against. It's terrible, and it shouldn't be.

As for that whole homosexuality as an "option" bit, Paladino, naturally, brought up another family member who probably really, really doesn't want to get involved in this shit. He "sensitizes" with his nephew's point of view:

"I've had difficulty with that," he replied. "My nephew tells me he didn't have that choice, and I believe it's a very very difficult life for a young person. I believe that young people should not necessarily be exposed to that, without a really really mature background first so they can learn to do with it. It's a very difficult thing, and I sensitize with it, totally."

Lastly, gather round, everyone: It's time for "Carl Paladino Comically Explains What Happens At A Gay Pride Parade:"

But Mr. Paladino reiterated that he thought it was wrong for Andrew M. Cuomo, his Democratic opponent, to have taken his daughters to a gay pride parade, saying that such events were inappropriate for children.

"Young children should not be exposed to that at a young age. They don't understand, it's a very difficult thing," said Mr. Paladino. "And exposing them to homosexuality, especially at a gay pride parade - and I don't know if you have ever been to one, but they wear these little Speedos and they grind against each other and it's just a terrible thing."

Carl Paladino: He fuckin' loves the gays, got it?