Project Runway knows that real designers don't sew clothes. That's what underage foreign children are for! Last night, they turned the real designers into underage foreign children of their very own, and they hated it.
We initially thought this challenge would be all about creating a piece of "resort wear" for Michael Kors, the ruling monarch of all things that are Tangerine (including monarch butterflies). But no, the real challenge was that each designer had to design a piece of resort wear, and then another designer would execute the design. Each contestant would be judged on his design and his partner's ability to execute their vision. This was not one of the:
Things We Hated:
- Heidi's Look: Her hair looked even shorter and awfuler last night and then she wore that horrible lace top that look like she was the cheapest madam at the world's poorest bordello. Does she not realize she's a judge on a fashion show?
- Mondo: Mondo, why do you have to buy into the group hatred of Michael C (which seems completely unfounded at this point) and be a dick to him when he was picked to be your partner? Do you remember what it was like the first two weeks when you were completely ostracized and no one wanted to talk to you? Have some empathy!
- Fucking Palazzo Pants: Is that all anyone makes anymore? Both Michael C and Gretchen made them last night and yesterday's finale runway show was lousy with them. Make it stop.
- Ivy: I used to hate Gretchen something serious and I still do, but I think I hate Ivy even more. She's just mean, bad-natured, arrogant, bossy, and no good to work with. Also, her talent doesn't seem to match with how she treats people (as if that's ever an excuse). When she was sitting there scowling over Michael D's shoulder while he sewed, I was so uncomfortable I felt the need to throw things at Ivy's face whenever it appeared on the screen. She's that horrible.
- Kristen Bell: Don't get me wrong, I love Kristen Bell. I'll even go see her new movie, but her only qualification to be a judge was that she had a movie to hawk and she's a "stylish young actress." Remember when this show had fashion professionals as judges? Sadly enough, so much in fashion is dictated by what "stylish young actresses" will wear, so I guess we're damned either way.
- Tower of Babel: When Casanova got kicked off (spoiler alert) Heidi not only said her customary "auf wiedersehen" but also "ciao." Was that an attempted to speak Casanova's native language, because, you know Heidi, he's Puerto Rican which, last time we checked, was not in Italy.
Things We Loved:
- The Twist: I hate team challenges so this challenge was a great way to create interpersonal drama and still have each of the contestants making his own design. I'm shocked it took them this many seasons to think up this trick. I hope, like "Restaurant Wars" on Top Chef, this becomes an annual challenge.
- Mondo: It took like 17 seconds for Mondo to get over his hatred of Michael C and treat him well. Not only that, he admitted that he was being a dick to him for no good reason. Way to keep it classy, M. You should teach Ivy a thing or two.
- More Queen Tangerine: And a decree came down saying that Her Royal Highness Michael Kors, the God-given Queen of all that is Tangerine, shall alight on the workroom. She will pass judgment and decrees on her subjects and be very amusing. They will all bow down low and kiss the hem of her garment and then she will return to her once-sanctified place on her director's chair thrown. God save the queen!
- The Tattooed Hair Daddy: I'm not saying that a sex tape between the sexy hair stylist with the full sleeves of tattoos and the leather daddy makeup artist know as Sweet Pea exists, but, if it does, I'd buy it.
- A Michael C Scorned: Ivy is throwing Micheal D under the bus (can we stop saying this forever, please) and Michael C just rolls his eyes over and over again on the Runway. Finally Heidi asks if he has something to say, and he sure does. He tells the judges that he worked with Ivy and she's a fucking crazy monster bitch from the land of the bitches. See, Ivy, this is why you don't treat other people like shit. Mondo was sweet to Michael C and he rushed to his new friend's defense. That might have been what kept him in the competition. Do you want the people who you work with to be for you or against you, because if it's the later, they will "throw you under the motherfucking, god-damned yellow public transportation thingie" the first chance they get.
In the end, April won for her sheer babydoll thing with the weird neck that looked like a shoulder holster (why aren't those in fashion?). I think she stole the crown right off of Andy's head, because his bathing suit and wrap was spectacular. I would wear it myself, but I would probably bust out of that thing in several key locations.
Casanova was sent home for making an outfit that made his 19-year-old model look like 43-year-old Catherine Deneuve. That's not the worst thing, but when you're trying to stay hip, young, and current, it certainly is. Ivy basically wrapped a model in two different colors of chiffon and marched her down the runway like she was a cloud. They said Mondo's was bad because it was simple and too young, but I liked it. I also bring a Hello Kitty lunchbox to work, so I might not be the best judge. But at least Mondo was nice and learned a lesson about teamwork. And that's what reality television is all about, bringing people together and making them better human beings. Right?