The new Google Instant guesses what you're searching for while you're typing, and retrieves results before you finish. It's the T-9 of search engines. And it means buying an "erector set" will make everyone think you have "erectile dysfunction."
Whereas some instasearches—like "boobs," "bukkake," and "Paris Hilton"—are banned, others are permitted, but will be totally awkward if anyone is standing behind you when you type them. A guide to the banal things that are now momentarily embarrassing to google.
1. ERECTOR SET vs. ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION: The beloved plaything of little boys everywhere brings up information about the limp playthings of old men.
2. YEASAYER vs. YEAST INFECTION: Your favorite band is a bacterial imbalance in your vagina.
3. IBSEN vs. IBS: Then again, the father of modern drama is known to have an inflammatory effect on the bowel.
4. VAGINA vs. VAGISIL: A formerly sexy search for female genitalia now provides information on how to cure your raging Yeasayer infection.
5. ANYTHING THAT STARTS WITH 'JU—' vs. JUSTIN BIEBER Oh, who are we kidding. You were secretly searching for Justin Bieber, anyway, weren't you?