Dear humorously named people of America: Thank you for committing crimes. Mirinda Boob—wife of the late Samuel Boob—is thought to have conspired to murder her husband. Luckily for headline writers, one of the conspirators' names was Kermit Butts.

Police believe that Mirinda Boob was having an affair with Butts' friend, who sought Butts' help killing Boob, which police say he provided. The central Pennsylvania judge ordered Butts and Boob be gagged due to the sensitive nature of the case.

Butts Arrested in Boob Murder Case [We Are Central PA]
Butts Arrest in Boob Case Among Odd Pa. News Reports [Philly Inquirer]
Madisonburg Man Arrested in Boobs Homicide [Centre Daily Times]
[via BullfightsOnAcid]