The Daily Mail has managed to secure a copy of the police report detailing Julian Assange's alleged molestation of two Swedish women. Inside, we learn that Assange's preferred method of seducing groupies is to feed them cheese.

The report certainly supports the "Julian Assange Banged His Groupies" theory over the "Pentagon smear campaign" explanation of his recent sex scandal. We've already heard about Assange's fling with Anna Ardin, the leftist politician who helped bring him to Sweden. The Daily Mail elaborates on the second, younger woman, "Woman B." The 20-something became fascinated with Assange after hearing of Wikileaks' huge Afghanistan war documents leak. According to the Mail, "over the following two weeks she read everything she could find about him on the internet and followed news reports about his activities."

Woman B at Assange's press conference

When she heard Assange was headed to Sweden, she staked out a press conference, wearing a "shocking-pink cashmere jumper." Afterwards, she got herself invited to lunch with Assange and two male companions. This is when Assange started to deploy his highly classified moves according to the police report, as reported by the Daily Mail:

The Cheese Feeding Strategy

Assange seemed pleased to have such an ardent admirer fawning over him and, she said, would look at her ‘now and then'. Eventually he took a closer interest.

She explained in her statement that he was tucking into cheese served on Swedish crispbread when she asked if he thought it was good.

Assange looked at her directly and started to feed her.

The Ask-for-a-laptop-charger Approach

He told her that he needed a charger for his laptop, and she eagerly offered to help...

They went on a vain search for the charger. She bought him a travel card for the metro because he said he didn't have any money.

The Movie Theater Heavy Petting Plan

At 6pm they entered a bijou cinema to watch a short film about the ocean, called Deep Sea. In the darkness Assange became amorous.

At one point they moved to the back row, where it is clear from the woman's statement that the pair went far beyond kissing and fondling.

The "I Can't Pay for My Train Ticket Because The U.S. Government Is Tracking Me" Ploy

She wanted to go to a hotel, but he said he would like to see her home.

Again she bought his £10 train ticket because he had no cash and said he didn't want to use his credit card in case his movement was being tracked.

He spent most of the 45-minute journey surfing the internet on his laptop, reading stories about himself and twittering or texting on his mobile phone.

The Have Sex In the Morning, Get Her to Buy You Another Train Ticket Then Never Call Her Again Tact

They parted on friendly terms and she bought his train ticket back to Stockholm. When she asked if he would call, he said: ‘Yes, I will.'

But he did not and neither did he answer her calls.

Woman B then called Anna Ardin, whom she'd met at a seminar, to talk about her experience. When they realized they'd been double-crossed, they went to the police. (Ardin said she merely went to support Woman B, who wanted to inquire about making Assange take an STD test, as he didn't use a condom despite her insistence.) Then things got weird, the police issued an arrest warrant for rape in Woman B's case and quickly withdrew it. The molestation charges are still pending. The police reports are heavily redacted so it's hard to tell exactly what Assange did to warrant the accusation, but it appears to be related to his refusal to wear a condom.