Tabloid sex fiend Andrea Peyser can most accurately be summed up as a ball of ill-concealed sexual repression who constantly lashes out at delusional symbols of impropriety, out of guilt. Sad, really. Today: why are all young girls sluts, 100%?

A fun and relaxing game to play on Monday mornings is called, "Find the accusations that Andrea Peyser levels at others that are really a public diagnosis of her own self-loathing." Today Andrea explains why Caroline Giuliani, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus (17) and Madonna's daughter Lourdes (13 years old) are all evil young whores.

Caroline Giuliani: "a pig in lipstick."
Lindsay Lohan: "used-up train wreck...taking on the film role she was born to play, as "Deep Throat" porn star Linda Lovelace, is finally playing to type. An adult with tread marks."
Miley Cyrus: "a baby tramp...she looks 40 — grinding on a pole at the Teen Choice Awards."

Lourdes: "[She and Miley are] two junior hussies...dressed in mom's castoff, crotch-hinting knickers...'definitely a future train wreck.'"

Why can't the "Losers" of this generation manage to exhibit "responsibility, maturity and dignity"—like Andrea Peyser?