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According to an internal memo, JetBlue hates hero flight attendant Steven Slater for being awesome. But Steven Slater still wants to work for them. How does Slater not realize that this is never, ever going to happen?

Slater's lawyer, Howard Turman, held a press conference today outside Slater's home, during which Slater looked silently on. He told the press that Slater would like to keep being a flight attendant because flying "is in his blood." And he'd love to keep working for JetBlue:

"JetBlue is a wonderful airline which he has loved working for, and wishes to continue working for," said his lawyer.

Yeah, sorry Steven, but when you quit in an awesome way you don't get to ask for your job back. And Jet Blue is definitely not going to take you back. In an internal memo, the airline told employees, ""If Mr. Slater's story proves to be accurate, and even if there was a precipitating event that motivated his behavior, that still doesn't excuse his actions."

Just as JetBlue was Twitter-pissed at comedian Andy Borowitz for poking fun at the Slater debacle, the memo criticizes the media for lionizing Slater: "The most distressing aspect of the media coverage has been the lightness with which they are treating the deployment of the emergency slide," the memo says. "Slides can be as dangerous as a gun… It is an insult to all aviation professionals to have this particular element of the story treated without the seriousness it deserved."

Then the person who wrote this memo called his boss a "motherfucker," grabbed two beers out of the office refrigerator, activated the inflatable slide out of the office's third-floor window and slid out, on to a new life of fame and freedom.

Here's the whole internal memo, via NBC New York (Click to enlarge):

[Video clip via CNN. Photo, top, via AP]