Contestants on Big Brother—with no TV or internet to distract themselves with—do a lot of talking. So let's take a look back at a week where it seemed everyone met their downfall by opening their big fat mouths.

So there we were, just a little over a couple of hours into an endurance competition that would determine the next Head of Household when all of a sudden the unthinkable happened—every single macho man and ab-factory cast in the Big Brother house couldn't muster the energy to outlast their more athletically-challenged competitors. With Ragan, Andrew and Matt as the final three house guests perched securely on their surfboards, the likes of Lane, Brendon and Hayden hung their heads in shame for not only letting down their respective allies but for also getting bested by the weakest people in the game. Blame your big feet all you want, fellas. You got beat by Ragan and his barely 120lb. frame. Luckily for you guys and your pride, however, he ultimately lost to Matt and his self-proclaimed genius brain, handing all of this week's power over to the Brigade.

Now, being a member of Mensa, Matt expected that he would be able to railroad his way through the house and get anyone he wanted ousted and with good cause. He made it clear during last week's house meeting that he intended to set his sights squarely on Rachel and Brendon, and with a voting bloc consisting of the other members of the brigade there was no way that he could fail. That was, of course, if he had stuck to the plan.

When it came time for Matt to announce who he going to nominate for eviction everyone assumed that Brendon, Rachel, and her hair extensions would be this week's targets. Admit it, you did too! But then, TWIST! Matt instead decided to hatch a diabolical plan to backdoor one of them out of the game by nominating Andrew and Kathy, two players whose biggest contribution to the Big Brother game up until that point had been to bring up the age-curve by about a decade. Why, you ask? Who knows? Threats they were not, and all Matt succeeded in doing with this odd choice was begin a snowball effect that would ultimately put him squarely in the dunce's corner with his tail between his legs come eviction night.

Needless to say, Andrew and Kathy were both utterly stunned and extremely pissed. Matt took the rounds to assure Andrew as well as his fellow Brigade allies that the plan was to make sure that the Veto was won and used, making it definite that either Brendon or Rachel would be making their way to that big Julie Chen interview in the sky. "After all," he told them, "there's no way that both of them would be chosen to compete for the Power of Veto, right?" They nodded, and it was decided that if Matt could foresee is plan working then there was no way that they could lose. Power of "The Secret," baby.

However, instead of handing him his ideal scenario, fate sought to it to make life even more difficult for Matt by choosing both Rachel and Brendon's name out of the Veto players bag. Not only that, but by golly Brendon won the darn thing! And that's basically all that led up to what might be the craziest three days that house has ever seen all summer, courtesy of Andrew.

First, let's take a look at what happened when he decided to "make a big move" and use his Veto ceremony speech to not only call out his "enemies" but also plead for salvation:

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Now, I could write out exactly what everyone watching was feeling right at that moment, but I'm going to let everyone's favorite Arkansas blonde sum it up in about eleven seconds. Take it away, Britney!

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Couldn't have said it better myself! Unfortunately—like Matt before him—Andrew and his master plan also failed to bear any fruit. Everyone in the house saw his speech for what it was: a ploy to make them think he was after Brendon and Rachel when he was clearly in an alliance with the gruesome two-some. Way to go, Captain Kosher.

With tensions brewing in the house after his Veto speech, Andrew continued to wonder aloud why it was that he was so lonely and why no one would let him cry on their shoulder. Instead, he cried alone, and became furious when he noticed that Kathy—remember her? the single mom/cancer survivor/deputy sheriff/best person ever?—was getting all sorts of love from Kristen, another floater. Now, in her defense, none of us know very much about Kristen other than her secret showmance with Hayden and the fact that she is very fond of high-waisted pants. But when Andrew came at her with accusations of backstabbery, it became clear that underneath that calm and cool demeanor is a competitor waiting for a reason to unleash some fury. Luckily for everyone watching, Andrew became that reason. Their screaming match in her bedroom could be heard, literally, in every corner of the house, and left everyone feeling even more secure in their leaning towards voting him out.

Come tonight's live eviction, with the house guests collected in the living room awaiting their chance to vote, Andrew and Kathy were once again given the chance to prove to their housemates that they deserved the chance to stay. Kathy, ever the class act, chose the high road. Andrew? Well, let's just say he gave us a lesson in how to make up everyone's mind to kick you out of the house a very easy one.

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And, with that, another chapter in the Big Brother saga ended for yet another house guest. We'll miss you, Andrew! You not only enlightened us about your faith but you leave with the knowledge that, hey! I've got a medical degree! $500,000 is probably better left to the VIP cocktail waitress who can't even afford a proper pair of pants.

And, speaking of Rachel and her choce of attire, did I mention that she won head of household for the second time this week? Talk about salt in Matt's very open HOH wounds. She may have had to fight for deal life last week, but it looks like next week Rachel is going to have the best week ever. Then again, while they were both out of power this lovely exchange occurred:

So I ask you, Rachel, isn't the love of the guy you've only known for a month on national television prize enough? I guess only time—and however far you two get in the game—will tell.

Tune in next week when we find out who America chooses to maybe or maybe not be the new SABOTEUR!!!!! (And by maybe or maybe not, I mean definitely not.) And don't forget that next Thursday Luca and I will both be back to bring you the latest in Rachel-bashing and Britney-worship. Until then, have a great slop-free seven days!

[photo via]
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