Starting with a graffiti-themed luxury competition served with a side of Ebonics, down to the nomination of the only person of color in the Big Brother house, let's take a look back at a week that was anything but wack.
If there's one thing we all came to expect from Rachel being crowned HOH this week in the Big Brother house it's that there would be drama, drama, and more drama. Having watched their number one target become Queen Bee not twenty minutes after escaping eviction, the house guests pondered what sort of revenge might be brought upon those who wanted her gone. You know, despite the fact that EVERYONE VOTED TO KEEP HER IN THE HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE. Funny how easily one forgets these things while inside those four constantly-surveilled walls. Andrew, however,
seemed almost giddy nearly lost his shit when he learned that Rachel would now be HOH, believing her reign would mean he would be safe for one more week. Any fear of eviction he may have had disappeared after the HOH competition was obliterated just a few hours later when Big Brother revealed to the house guests that they had successfully eliminated the saboteur with Annie's eviction, thus clearing Andrew—an early suspect—of any and all charges. Mazel Tov!
With nominations looming, the house guests wasted no time strategizing and campaigning for their safety but not before the Have/Have Not competition. The backyard was adorned with a giant brick wall spray-painted with graffiti and Rachel led the house guests in a "ghetto" accent as they duct taped three of their own onto the wall, hoisted them in the air, and pelted them with painted water. Sadly, nothing too exciting happened. Ragan made a bad joke about how being taped up was a normal Friday night for him, which was kind of funny? Oh, and Britney was not only ganged up on by the other two teams, but choked by her own team's impenetrable tape job and had to be cut free before the competition ended. And she still lost, making her a Have-Not for the week.
With that out of the way, the scheming resumed. Monet went straight to Rachel and pleaded her case that Andrew and his yarmulke should be the two nominees. Barring any rules that inanimate objects cannot be nominated, a pawn should go up in the poor yarmulke's place. To this, Rachel said "poo poo" and after consulting with her better half, Brendon, opted to nominate Monet and Britney instead. Why you ask? Well, Monet already has $10,000 thanks to her team's win in the first HOH competition of the season. As for Britney, Rachel made up some lame excuse about how alliances had been formed and yadda yadda yadda, but we know its probably because of all the oh-so-glorious remarks that Britney had been throwing Rachel's way before and after she was put on the chopping block...
[There was a video here]
And that's why the jealous Rachel pinned the catty (but hilarious) two-some against one another. While Britney and Monet were wallowing in the misery of their nominations, the four members of the Brigade were traipsing around like they had nothing to lose. With not one of their number up for eviction, it's not like we can blame them. We can, however, judge Rachel. A lot. Like, Britney-style, for spending most of the better part of her time as HOH crying to Brendon about feeling bad for being "mean" about her nominations. Luckily she had her mini-bar size bottle of Patron—the first time we can recall in BB history that an HOH was given hard liquor by the producers—to console her.
So with her man and her booze by her side, Rachel realized that maybe life at the top wasn't so bad! But as an aside, can we talk about how it's kind of sad that Rachel already refers to her and Brendon as a "we" only two weeks in? We get that cabin fever is a catalyst for emotions in these situations, but these two have practically molded into a giant amorphous Siamese twin.
And with that, here's what went down during the veto competition. The house guests were dressed in their Wall Street best, placed into "stocks" and forced to count their way to one hour. First to drop a briefcase they had in their hand closest to the end of the hour without going over won. Simple enough you'd think, but not a single person with the exception of Britney dropped their case before the hour was up. This not only ensured that we the viewers would be rewarded with seven more days of her catty asides about Rachel's inherent skankiness, but that someone else in the house would have to replace her on the eviction block.
At first, Andrew seemed to be the likely target for eviction, not to mention being Monet's only hope for staying another week. But Rachel, Brendon and Matt put the kibosh on that when Matt offered himself up as a pawn believing that his alliance and sympathy for his wife's fake disease would keep him safe. As expected, Rachel followed suit by nominating Matt when Britney removed herself by using the Power of Veto and it seemed like Monet's eviction was all but a certainty...
...until Matt opened his big fat Mensa mouth and almost shot himself in the foot by telling the house guests following the Veto ceremony that he had no idea why Rachel had nominated him. By playing both sides, he painted himself into a corner, and when Rachel called a house meeting, exposing his lies to the rest of the house guests, shit hit the fan. Would they care? Monet certainly hoped so. But by the time tonight's live eviction episode started you could kind of tell by her body language that Monet had all her bags packed and was ready to go. By a vote of 7-2, Monet was, in fact, evicted and nearly mowed everyone down on her way out the door, not even stopping to say goodbye to best friend Britney before joining Julie Chen outside the house. Following her eviction, Monet had little more to say other than that she had already made her peace with the two people she knew would vote for her and had learned in her short time on Big Brother that she was probably a little more emotional than she had thought. But that's not what's important. What's important was that Britney taped what might very well be the best goodbye message in the history of the show to her departing friend.
[There was a video here]
We cannot stress how happy we are that she is still here.
But, in all seriousness, Monet's departure is pretty significant, and not because of any game play. As the only person of color in the house, Monet's eviction pretty much white-washes the show, which is alarming considering that Big Brother aims to bring people of various backgrounds from various parts of the country together as a social experiment. Big Brother without any people of color is sort of like a season of The Real World without a gay person—its just weird! Monet being evicted not only leaves a gaping hole in the cast that is just screaming to be filled, but also makes you realize that for the rest of the summer we'll be watching a whole lot of fratty white people fighting for the half million dollar prize. Also, a gay. And a Jew. But mostly just fratty white people.
And there you have it! With the house guests currently fighting to become the next HOH in an endurance competition, we bid you adieu. Remember to find out who outlasts their competitors to win control of the game Sunday at 8pm, who will win the Power of Veto on Wednesday and 8pm, and then who will be next to join Annie and Monet in their sequester home during Thursday's live eviction.