For discerning individuals of extraordinary taste, an ordinary showerhead simply won't suffice. The great American values of wealth, luxury, and excess demand special, superexpensive showerheads that turn your shower into a veritable Niagara Falls. Why is Barack Obama against that?

The federal government—yes, the one you've heard so much about—is now trying to crack down on quality showerheads such as the $5,500, 24-inch Raindance, complaining that they emit more than the 2.5 gallons of water per minute legal limit. You're god damn right they do. They emit way fucking more than that, in a luxurious steam that can make you feel like more god than man, inundated by the wondrous clear bounty of the world's streams as you stand astride Mount Olympus, as you call your probably-marble bathtub. And some faceless bureaucrat in the Department of Energy now wants to tell the heroic entrepreneurs who manufacture these marvels of modern water engineering that they can't do it, because of some "oil crisis" that's probably happening halfway the hell around the world?

This is the worst socialist outrage since they banned coal-powered hair dryers.