Those sitting out in the sun today for a new iPhone might have waited hours or overnight. They are wimps. Twilight fans have been camped out since Monday for tonight's premiere. They will show you how it's done!
The people waiting out for an iPhone bring chairs and maybe a snack or two, but they have nothing on the shantytown that has sprung up in front of the Nokia Theater this week. They're all waiting for tonight when Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, and a bunch of girls we don't care about will descend for the premiere of Twilight: Some Kind of Sequel. These fanatics are doing the long-wait in style. Seriously they are teenage girls and they are schooling the tech geeks who should be well-versed in how to stand on the sidewalk for countless hours waiting for an event they think will change their lives (but probably won't).
Here are all the lessons the Apple Addicts can learn from the Twihards before the next product launch.
Get Comfortable: Waiting in line takes a really long time. You can't just prop up a lawn chair and wait it out. No! You need a place to sleep, something to cover yourself with, and maybe even a wrap for when it gets cold at night. The weather is going to be unpredictable, so make sure that you're ready for every inevitability. And if you have to do it, lend it some flair!
Bring Something to Do: You can't just wait for your new iPhone by sitting there and playing with your old iPhone. The battery on that shit will run out before the sun even goes down and then you will be stuck in public bored and exposed. Books don't need batteries or a WiFi connection. Maybe you should even bring one of the Twilight books. It might be silly, but at least when you're done you'll have something to talk to girls about because, seriously, they do not care that your new phone can video chat.
Decorate: This is going to take awhile, so maybe you should put a few posters up and such. Sure, teenage girls can't seem to pass a flat surface without adorning it with magazine cutouts of their favorite stars, but maybe if you gussied up the cold glass and steel facade of the Apple Store, you'll be that much more ecstatic when you finally get your new toy.
Bring Food: That Egg McMuffin you picked up on your way to the line isn't going to get you through the whole wait. You need to cook in advance and bring enough for a few square meals. Planting your ass on the pavement already sucks, you don't want to be starving while you do it. Also, bring enough to share. If you bribe your starving neighbors with food, they'll hold your spot when you have to go pee across the street behind a dumpster.
Work: If you took a day off to get your iPhone then you're a sucker. Check out this guy. He has his laptop and cell phone and probably even an extension cord so that he can siphon off electricity from some unsuspecting building in the area. This guy is "working remotely" for a week, and you gave up a day or two of your precious vacation time because you weren't prepared. Loser.
Drink Lots of Fluids: It is hot out there and if you don't have more than a bottle of water, you're going to be in a lot of trouble. If you pass out from dehydration in that line, you know the crowd will just step right over your lifeless body and march their way toward a new iPhone leaving you to rot on the sidewalk. Don't get trampled! Bring a cooler. But don't fill it with beer. That will dehydrate you too. OK, half beer, half water.
Wear a Cute Outfit: There are going to be people photographing you. You could wind up on the cover of a national newspaper as an illustration for their "tech geeks are crazy for waiting for hours" story. You don't have to work a look like this girl, with her Twilight-themed T-shirt and umbrella (also good for keeping out the sun!) but you can do better than your usual greasy hair, dirty jeans, and ratty old polo shirt. This could be your big break!
Cry: It's a bit embarrassing, but teenage girls know that if you cry you will get what you want. Need to skip the line to go to the bathroom? Cry. Need to borrow someone's cell to call the office? Cry. Want the mean girl at the front door to let you in a little bit faster. Motherfucking cry! Your friends will make fun of you for a bit, but they'll be applauding later when this tactic really works.
Make a Sign: This girl waiting in line made a sign about her cat dying and because of it (lesser) Twilight star Peter Facinelli drew her out of the line and hugged her. And it's on camera! She is going to be the most popular girl at her middle school. All it took was a piece of pink posterboard and a Sharpee. Steve Wozniak is in line right now. Make a sign for that guy and there's no telling what he could get you! He might escort you in!
Step up Your Game: This is the line in front of the Apple store on Fifth Ave in Manhattan today. Look at how drab! No decorations, food, posters, signs, Apple-themed knicknacks, crying, emotion, or anything. Sorry Apple addicts, when it comes to waiting in line, you are getting schooled—by a bunch of girls!