Nicole lives in Manhattan. She met Stu at Soho House, a members-only meatpacking district club catering to overgrown frat boys, strivers, and i-bankers. Stu seemed "normal, funny, and nice." So she gave him her phone number. Hilarious horror ensued.

A few days later, Stu left a voicemail message explaining that, after being kicked out of his "exclusive, exclusive place," he is homeless but he has been tricking a girl into thinking he loves her so he can crash at her pad. But as soon as he moves into his own place on June 1, he's going to call her.

Moral of the Story: If your voice message requires multiple deployments of the phrase "I hope I don't sound like a jerk," you do.