The Environmental Working Group, a public health nonprofit, has created a list of the fruits and vegetables most contaminated by pesticides according to the government's produce pesticide reports. Do you like peaches? Than you may not want to keep reading.

The worst offenders—the "dirty dozen"—contained 47 to 67 pesticides per serving, thanks to a "soft skin" that leaves them particularly vulnerable:

"The Dirty Dozen"

  • Celery
  • Peaches
  • Strawberries
  • Apples
  • Domestic blueberries
  • Nectarines
  • Sweet bell peppers
  • Spinach, kale and collard greens
  • Cherries
  • Potatoes
  • Imported grapes
  • Lettuce

As many of you have no doubt smugly noted, the organic versions of these vegetables won't have any pesticides on them at all.

Meanwhile, the least-contaminated foods—the "clean 15," Christ—have a "strong outer layer":

The Clean 15

  • Onions
  • Avocados
  • Sweet corn
  • Pineapples
  • Mango
  • Sweet peas
  • Asparagus
  • Kiwi fruit
  • Cabbage
  • Eggplant
  • Cantaloupe
  • Watermelon
  • Grapefruit
  • Sweet potatoes
  • Sweet onions

But before you rush off to your fridge to throw away your poison leaves, remember that there isn't much data on the long-term effects of pesticide consumption. (On humans! Obviously, the long-term effect of pesticides on bugs, is death.) The U.S. government says they're totally OK to eat in "low amounts." Who knows: Maybe pesticides will even make you stronger! And smarter! Did you ever think of that, Environmental Working Group? No? Maybe you just haven't eaten enough pesticides!