The Way We Live Now: Pandering to the poors. Of course being poor makes the masses upset, but that's no reason to engage in the lowest form of populism. Whither the landlords, the owners, the moguls? Let's remember who's boss.

One might be forgiven for thinking that New York, of all states, would be first in line to assume the bended-knee position and cater to every whim of its richest, most powerful residents, lest they flee for New Jersey. Not so. Not only are our awful, bought-and-paid-for legislators screwing their rich patrons by trying to mandate sick days and paid vacations for nannies and maids, but our governor is making noises about making the state rent laws friendlier to renters. The only thing that needs to be friendlier to renters is my real estate attack pit bull, Max, who has a nasty habit of eating my renters if they're late with their rent. But he's a dog, and he does his best. Which is more than we can say for our governor who is spouting nonsense about reopening the state parks, when he could be cutting the taxes of those who have been hit hardest by this recession (in absolute dollar figures), the wealthy.

But we shall not weep or moan. We're used to fending off attacks on our success. But who does the world turn to when they need some soothing words to calm the roiling markets? Us, or our Chinese counterparts.

There there, timid little less-than-upper-classers. Everything will be fine. Don't worry your heads about the rising percentage of high-poverty schools. Or, for that matter, about the looming hurricane apocalypse that you call "Summer, 2010."

These things happen. Just do a favor: don't blame us. If you're upset, go outside, quit your job, and take a six month walk. The fresh air and the practice for life in a post-apocalyptic world of wandering will do you some good.

[Pic via]