The Horrorshow That Is the Republicans' Internet Suggestion Box
The Republicans really want to win some House seats in November and are desperate to try anything to make that dream a reality. Desperate enough to create a new, hip crowdsourcing website where real Americans can submit policy suggestions. Yikes.
As documented in The Washington Post, the suggestions are mostly entirely crazy. Some of them read like plants from pranksters, others are unsettlingly believable. We'll let you be the judge! Here are some favorite policy ideas that could be coming to a candidate near you this fall.
On labor laws, as pointed out by the Post:
End Child Labor Laws. We coddle children too much. They need to spend their youth in the factories.
Clearly a joke, yes?
On "American Values":
We should administer capital punishment to anyone who has an abortion. In order to cut costs that the death penalty normally entails, we will have lax gun laws that will allow people to obtain guns with greater ease. Then we would allow the "free-market" to dictate whose philosophy wins out – the liberals irrational philosophy or our logical and God following philosophy. Liberals who have abortions would be taken care of by a militia of the willing who will get rid of all liberals who take the life others irrationally and will allow us to remove all of our opponents to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can't tell on this one!
On "Strengthening Familes":
The Republican Party should propose a "Family Re-education Act" that would require all non-Christians to learn how to be good parents. If you don't attend the class, your children will be taken away and fostered by a strong Christian conservative family.
We're gonna go with joke on this one.
Abolish the Department of Social Services. What dope came up with the idea of criminalizing a parent's right to administer corporal punishment to a unruly and defiant child (within reason) set the stage for all the insanity that liberalism has given rise to in our society. And then require parity in public schools, an equal number of teachers with conservative values instead of the infestation of liberals currently in control.
On "Terrorism Abroad":
Require all Muslims in the U.S. to wear ankle bracelet transponders so we know where the terrorists are at all times. Like B. HUSSEIN Obama.
Predictable and boring. Must be real!
On "Open Mic":
TAX EXCLAMATION MARKS!!! AND CAPITAL LETTERS!!! AND SENTENCE FRAGMENTS
Important lesson to Republicans: Nothing ever ended well that began with "Let's ask the anonymous internet people." Nothing. Well, maybe Team Coco and Betty White. But other than that, nothing.