How Lindsay Lohan Can Pull Off Wearing an Alcohol-Monitoring Bracelet
On top of her myriad problems, Lindsay Lohan now has to wear a blood-alcohol monitoring SCRAM bracelet. How is one of America's favorite fashion plates going to pull off such a thing? We have some ideas!
This picture is from 2007 when she voluntarily sported the device following a DUI arrest. It's strapped to the ankle and measures the blood alcohol content of the wearer's sweat, which means if LiLo's been drinking it will alert the authorities and they'll rush over to Les Deux or Provocateur, or wherever the kids are hanging out these days, and shake their finger in her face and say, "Bad Lindsay. Bad!" But that's the least of her problems. How is a girl whose every outfit is so closely scrutinized by the media going to pull off this nasty gray contraption? Here's what we would do.
Bell Bottoms: Isn't the '60s staple ready for a comeback? Well, even if it's not, this is perfect for Lindsay. She'll have to give up her beloved 6126 leggings because they'll be a bulgy mess over her new court-appointed accessory. Why not go the opposite route and bring baggy back into fashion? If anyone can do it, it's our Linds.
Scarfs: This is the conventional solution and not a bad one. Any reason to wear an additional accessory isn't a bad thing, so why not tie something classy and colorful around it and turn that lemon into lemonade! Putting a scarf on this boozy LoJack is sort of like covering a zit with foundation. People won't know what it is from afar, but up close it could be embarrassing.
Slouchy Boots: Yes, it's summer, so flip flops, sandals, and other strappy apparel is the norm, but why not go for a shorts and boots look? They'll have to be high and baggy enough to cover the bracelet, so they could look a little awkward. But no one is doing this, so it could be a fashion revolution. Then again, no one is doing it, so she could just end up looking totally stupid.
Get Two: There is nothing worse than asymmetry, so why not get another one and make it look like it's some sort of statement. Strangely enough, having two wouldn't make it stand out so much. With just one it says "Oh, she's on house arrest or something." With two it's like, "I'm not sure what that is, but it's weird.
Bling It Out: This may be against the law or something, but why not take a Bedazzler to that bitch? Or better yet, get a real designer to come up with some sort of swanky print or pattern to wrap around it? Maybe heart-shaped pasties like she showed on the runway for Ungaro? It's like finding a really cute motorcycle helmet. If you must wear one, it might as well be a cute one.
Own It: If Lady Gaga can make a dress out of Kermit's work, then Lindsay can last a few months with a gray box strapped to her leg. Just like any outrageous look, it's all about the attitude of the wearer. If LiLo gives us a fierce walk and shows us that she's rocking her SCRAM, then we'll love it. If her body language reads sad and awkward, she's going to get picked on more than a fat, nerdy girl alone at a school dance. Confidence is always the best accessory.