That is exactly what he is doing. Just not in real life. Also today: A Sunny favorite lands a big role, a movie about a human teenager has a casting shuffle, and no more Sarah Silverman.

Jason Bateman and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia's resident wacko genius Charlie Day are in talks to star in Horrible Bosses, a comedy about two miserable employees murdering their bosses. Colin Farrell and Jennifer Aniston might play two of the three bosses! This movie has been floating around for a while and you know what priceless comedy duo was once supposed to star in it? Dax Shepard and Ashton Kutcher. Can you imagine what a mid-2000s wreck of the Hesper that would have been? Just so painfully indicative of those dark 2003 days. Why do people keep laboring under the impression that Ashton Kutcher is funny? Is it because of That '70s Show? If so, that is a woeful miscalculation on their part. Also, his name is Ashton Kutcher. No one with that name could ever, ever, ever be funny. Never. Ever. Kutcher. [THR]

Though she claimed she'd be quitting acting once her little island adventure was over, Lost's Evangeline Lilly has just signed on to a movie. She'll costar in Real Steel, with Hugh Jackman and her Hurt Locker castmate Anthony Mackie. The movie is a drama about a retired boxer who teams up with his estranged son to get a robot ready for a big fight. A touching story about Hugh Jackman, a young man, and a robot. Bleep bloop. Shawn Levy is directing this sure-to-be-cheesy romp. "Dad, why are you making the robot do that??" [Variety]

Bad news for fans of pleased-with-itself comedy. The Sarah Silverman Program will not be renewed for a fourth season. The partnership Comedy Central has with Logo in producing the show didn't help much, so the whole thing is over. What will that one gay guy with the big bushy beard do now that Zach Galifianakis has gone and gotten famous ahead of him? Maybe he'll get on the impersonation circuit. He can do Zach and Sarah can do her favorite character, Sarah. [NYT]

Brad Pitt and Darren Aronofsky may be teaming up on a movie called The Tiger, which is based on a non-fiction book about an animal activist who had to defend a Siberian town when a tiger started eating people. That's right, non-fiction. About a tiger eating people in Siberia and the animal protector forced to hunt the creature down. I would watch this movie even if these two guys weren't involved. I would watch this movie if Ashton Kutcher was in it. That is how much I want to see The Ghost and the Darkness set in Siberia, with tigers. [THR]

Timothy Olyphant is replacing District 9's Sharlto Copley in I Am Number 4, based on a young adult sci-fi novel by... James Frey. Yeah. Olyphant will play the mentor to Beastly's Alex Pettyfer, who is playing an alien hiding out as a human teenager. (Why is it always teenagers? Why not a human middle-aged person?) Copley had to drop out to do press for The A-Team. Consequentially, "Sorry guys, I have to do press for The A-Team" has now become one of the weirdest ways to quit a job ever. [Variety]

Kurt Russell has landed the lead role in Undying, a "neo-noir" about a private detective who gets lured into a creepy, "surreal underworld" after taking a job. Think about it guys. When Kurt Russell dies, there will be no one left to play P.I.s in surreal underworlds. Well, maybe Ashton Kutcher. [THR]