New York Post sex master Andrea Peyser found this new movie Kick Ass to be "intoxicatingly entertaining, wildly inappropriate, and alarmingly sexual." Use your Media Decoder Ring to read her true opinion: "intoxicatingly...sexual." Andrea's friends agree!

Andrea could not help but to write a column about this fictional character Hit-Girl, a sexxxy 11 year-old schoolgirl who possesses—Andrea's words—a "massively phallic gun." This girl makes Andrea feel...funny. So she sought out the opinion of Upper West Side mom Pam, who confirmed Andrea's worst suspicions:

"All you have to do is look at child actors, and see how their real lives reflect the orally compromised characters they've been force to portray."

The last thing Andrea Peyser wants is to orally compromise this naughty, naughty child.