How dumb and lazy is George W. Bush? So dumb and lazy that he can't even write a real memoir! Instead, he will write "an account of key decisions in his life." We have some guesses about what those are.

Oh, goody: America's national embarrassment has finished his book, which is called Decision Points. That is the cover, there, with Bush looking decision-y! But it is not really a book, so much, as a listicle:

Bush has said he is not writing a traditional memoir but an account of key decisions in his life...

According to Crown Publishers, "Decision Points" will offer "gripping, never-before-heard detail" on such historic events as the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks and the 2000 presidential election along with Bush's decision to quit drinking, his relationship with his family and other personal details.

Key decisions! Historic events! Personal details! Why didn't he just call it The Top 10 Decisions of My Presidency, WITH PHOTO? Let us speculate, in our own small listicle, on the possible "Key Decisions" that Our Pal George will write about in his already-irritating book! And let us intersperse those "Key Decisions" with mocking "alternate covers" that we have photoshopped in the style of those "funny" emails your aunt always forwards you! Political humor in the internet era!

Decision Point: Should I pay attention to this memo entitled "Bin Laden determined to strike in US"?
Key Decision: Eh.

Decision Point: Torture: Should we just let the CIA go for it?
Key Decision: Totally. Tell me where to sign.

Decision Point: Is it a good idea for me to land on an aircraft carrier in a flight suit with a sign that says "Mission Accomplished"?
Key Decision: How is it not a good idea?

Decision Point: Do I really need to go to New Orleans after the big hurricane?
Key Decision: Nahhhhh.

Decision Point:Who should I nominate for this Supreme Court vacancy?
Key Decision: Harriet Miers, that's who.

Decision Point: Is it appropriate for me to attempt to massage a sitting head of government?
Key Decision: Who doesn't love a good massage?

Decision Point: What should I call my memoirs?
Key Decision: Uh, The Decider? Or maybe: Decision-Making: It's What I Do. Or, no: My Story, Specifically, the Decisions Part. Yeah, that's good.

[Pics via Getty, AP]