Are you one of those "young people whose true religion is music?" Marketing consultants have determined the proper place for you to live: in a gleaming, Miami Beach-style condo on West 30th street. Where music lives!

The New York Times reports that "Ohm," one of the many indistinguishable new neon-bathed condo towers that infest the once-desolate edges of Manhattan like the tortured souls of tranny hookers past, has discovered how to draw in the high-paid young creative types it desperately needs to unload its soulless apartments on: with music! They hired some singer from East Williamsburg to play in the lobby. Instant club night! Whee.

"This is not for people in their 50s, people with kids," [a marketing consultant for the "boutique hotel" style condo] said. "It's for young people whose true religion is music." ...

"You're not going to have elderly people, people with six kids living in the building," [a 29 year-old building resident who moved to Ohm because it was cooler than Midtown] said. "You're going to have other young professionals looking to have a cool environment to live in."

Now if marketing consultants can just figure out how to, say, bulldoze the Apollo Theater and build a condo tower on top of it complete with free weekend Justin Bieber concerts, edgy artistic New York will be fully revived.