Heaving, bulbous bosoms—of doom. That is what America and, indeed, the world is facing, in the alternate universe where terrorists with plastic explosive breast implants threaten airline safety. Also, butt bomb implants. Please let this be real.

Well fuck, Neal Underleider makes a pretty good case that these threats are 100% bullshit. Putting that aside, the simple fact is that sexxxy (we assume) alluring yet terroristic females are undergoing surgery to fill their ample chest cavities with secret explosives, intent on sitting next to you on an innocuous flight and probably flirting here and there, getting you intrigued and a bit excited, until, at 35,000 feet, BOOM go the breasts. According to the unimpeachable Sun:

The shocking new al-Qaeda tactic involves radical doctors inserting the explosives in women's breasts during plastic surgery - making them "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines"...

MI5 has also discovered that extremists are inserting the explosives into the buttocks of some male suicide bombers.

Whether gay or straight, your attractive seatmate may be preparing to bomba out the bazonga. Keep your eyes locked on (his) ass or (her) boobs at all time, for safety's sake. Lots of breast-fondling by TSA officers coming up!
[Pic: Dale May]