Well, she really doesn't want to, but she might have to. Plus: a YouTuber becomes a TV movie star, the balcony closes for good, Diablo Cody makes her All About Steve, and fat people ruin America. Also, Sarah Palin.

Oh here's an awful thing. You know Fred, that high-voiced YouTube thing where the strange teenage boy plays a strange child? Yeah, well, it's inexplicably popular and is now going to become a series of TV movies for Nickelodeon. I mean... I guess that's fine. If that's what kids are liking. You know who else is in it? John Cena. The wrestler. Did you ever see The Marine? That's this action movie he was in. He's such a hilarious oaf in it. He has this tiny wife and they're supposed to have sexy but loving sex and it's like Conan the Barbarian doing it with Tinkerbell. It's so gross. Plus he wears these bizarre wide-leg jeans the whole time because his legs are not normal human sized. It's marvelous. Oh, but, yeah. Fred. Enjoy it. [Variety]

In other fun news, there's going to be a Lifetime movie in which Jennifer Love Hewitt gives rub 'n tugs. Or, like, is expected to, but doesn't. But there is going to be a movie featuring both JLH and the idea of happy ending massages. In the sequel, '90s Gross Out 2: Tha Extreme, Breckin Meyer judges a felching contest. Whee. [THR]

Though it should have been canceled the minute Roger Ebert left, it wasn't. But now At the Movies has finally been given the axe, after 24 seasons. Somewhere, Ben Lyons sits by a phone, waiting. (Hopefully he will wait forever.) [TheWrap]

Screenwriter Diablo Cody is working on a new movie called Young Adult, about a YA fiction author who goes back to her hometown to stalk an ex-boyfriend. What can she say, he's the cheese to her macaroni, homeskillet. Or some such nonsense. [THR]

The pleasant Melissa McCarthy (from the unpleasant Gilmore Girls) has been cast in a new Chuck Lorre show called Mike & Molly, about a couple that meets at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. A show about chubby people? I mean, a scripted show? Fucking Obama, man. Oh also the likable Lindsay Sloane has been cast in that new show from the How I Met Your Mother geniuses, to be called I Met Your Mother Already But Here's How I Coined Some Annoying Terms. [THR]

Sarah Palin's new Alaska show, The Land Runs Black With Oil, Red With Moose Blood, will air on the TLC network, which is owned by Discovery. A friend always says that TLC has become the People With Conditions channel, so this fits! Little Worldview, Big State? [Variety]