It's true. It will gay marry your cat to your son and then put them both in the military. Sorry. Also: who doesn't like Beau Bridges? Nobody likes Jennifer Lopez. Emma Stone, we're not sure about yet.

Oh good. This is just great. I'm turning 27 in May and I am officially old. You know what they're remaking? Overboard. Yes, kids, a million years ago there used to exist two actors known as Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell and they were great, everyone your age then really loved them. So when you see the new Overboard, starring Jennifer fucking Lopez, just try to bear in mind that it's not the real Overboard. I'm going to go throw myself off a boat now. [THR]

The likable Emma Stone (Zombieland was good, right?) might be joining an as-yet-untitled Steve Carell/Ryan Gosling comedy about a frazzled dad and his daughter. Stone would be Gosling's love interest. Which... is that weird? I guess not. She seems a lot younger than he does, but what's eight years, really? Eight years ago certain among us were 18 years old. Beautiful, carefree 18. Where's that boat? [Variety]

Eager to win his own Oscar, Beau Bridges, the slightly less fabulous Baker Boy, has joined the cast of the new Rockford Files TV remake. Sure you can't win an Oscar for TV, especially not for remakes of The Rockford Files, but whatever. He'll be playing Dermott Mulroney's dad. And once you've gotten a job playing Dermott Mulroney's dad... well, just ask M. Emmett Walsh how he feels. Just ask him. [THR]

Tiger Woods isn't just big for New York gossip bloggers with a Google Wave account. It's also big for South Park! Their Tiger-themed season premiere (about the evil wizard alien that makes famous rich men want to have sex) had the highest ratings the show's had in a decade. Good for them! It was a funny episode. [THR]

There's a Heyyy, and then there's a Gurrllll, and then there's another Heyyy. Hey girl hey. Glee, America's gay bff, might turn into a stage musical, if bigtime licensing company MTI has anything to say about it. If your thirteen-year-old son is super excited about this, you can put down the pamphlet and stop fretting to your husband while you moisturize your hands in bed at night. He is. He just is. [Variety]