Did Brangelina's presence make the Saints win, or was it Kim Kardashian's tight end? Beyonce falls during a concert, Dr. Murray makes a creepy visit to Jacko's tomb, Carrie Prejean gets engaged. Monday gossip is done preserving its purity.

  • It is a truth universally acknowledged that a nationally televised event watched by millions is in want of celebrities contriving photo ops. Kim Kardashian won the Super Attention-Seeking Bowl, since her giant butt (itself a national pastime) all but secured the win for boyfriend Reggie Bush's team. She wore a bizarrely shoulder-padded tweed blazer (I was going to say "Who wears a blazer to a football game?" but it looks like Brad Pitt did, too) and grabbed Reggie for an awkward post-game kiss. [fig.1] Brangelina also made an appearance, their first joint outing since the break-up rumor. They cheered for the Saints (since they are New Orleaners) and Maddox wore a charming hat. Unfortunately, since he was forced to sit next to his dad's Rasta beret and scraggly beard, they looked like a tired jazz ensemble playing for nickels on the subway. [DailyMail] [DailyMail]
  • Other Celebrity Bowl contenders: Tom Cruise playing "family man" with Suri, Katie, and son Connor. Hillary Swank looking coltish while cheering for the Saints. Ashton and Demi looking saintly while cheering for the Colts. J.Lo and Marc Anthony smiling graciously even though the Miami Dolphins, which they partially own, had a non-Super year. [Popeater] [DailyMail]
  • Late to the game: Carrie Prejean announced her engagement to St. Louis Rams star and Ken doll clone Kyle Boller, but since his team wasn't in the Super Bowl, and since she wasn't naked, it went mostly unnoticed. [E!]
  • Jersey Shore's cast has been ordered to stop digging the paydirt: Finally wising up to the guido/ettes' rapid acceleration towards overexposure, MTV is limiting their lucrative nightclub appearances to no more than two a week, all of which must be preapproved by producers. Should the orange ogres of the Garden State continue their reckless "pimping," they will be fined. Of course, if the fines are less than the appearance fees, then the cyclone of Snooki will not slow, which MTV must know, since it hired these people precisely for their shamelessness. [P6]
  • Page Six reports Conan O'Brien's Central Park West penthouse is "quietly being shopped around with a $35 million price tag." Add that to his $45 million severance package from NBC, and he's on a roll with the lucrative exits. [P6]
  • Dr. Conrad Murray visited Michael Jackson's tomb, which he probably thought would seem sympathetic heading into his involuntary manslaughter charge, when in fact it was just creepy. [TMZ]
  • "I'm very fragile," says Heidi Montag. "I'm not in a great place right now." We know. [People]
  • Performing in Brazil, Beyonce fell. It almost looks like part of the choreography, but this cellphone video makes me motion sick, so you'll have to assess it on your own.

  • "And then it dawned on me that Italians have gone from Leonardo DaVinci to Sophia Loren to Snooki. What the [bleep] is that about?" Curb Your Enthusiasm's Susie Essman left out Donatella Versace and Victoria Gotti. Then again: Monica Bellucci. It's a wash. [P6]
  • Charlie Sheen will be charged with felony menacing today for his Christmas switchblade attack on wife Brooke Mueller, but he might take a plea deal if the D.A. lets him drop it to a misdemeanor. Is there anything left to say on this case, other than a shudder and prolonged sigh? [TMZ]
  • Michelle Trachtenberg tells a revenge story: Her teen nemesis brutalized her—"this one girl threw me down a flight of stairs, fractured my ribs, punched and fracture my nose"—but then, years later, they act like old friends and go to restaurants together despite Michelle's still-seething hatred? "We were coming out of a restaurant and there was a wall of like 20 paparazzi... I turned to her and was like, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I'm really famous. They need to take my picture. Sucks for you.'" Hollywood makes no sense. [P6]
  • Diddy didn't sleep for 78 hours. Shouldn't he be dead by now? [Twitter]

Figure 1.