Islamofascists Set to Rain Space Animals on the USA
Here is a story that maybe should be "getting more play:" Al Qaeda is "certain" to attack America in the next six months—possibly killing you in the process. Even worse, other enemies are preparing to rain terror from above.
Prepare: Iran has successfully put Islamofascist rats, turtles, and worms into space. "These miraculous satellite projects are, in fact, key to the connection between God and mankind," Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said in real life, not The Onion. "Today, Iranian scientists are capable of capturing the skies." There you have it. Take us now, Jesus.