On loan to Milan's team, Becks performs a strip tease, revealing handsome undies. LiLo is involved in a hit and run. Whitney and Brody "canoodle." Elijah Wood hosts Lord of the Wings, an eating contest. Here comes Monday gossip.

  • Homoeroticism in professional sports is a given, but David Beckham changing pants in the middle of a soccer game—revealing a pair of snug black briefs to an Olympic stadium full of Torinos—is worth noting. Becks is on loan to the Milan team right now, allowing him to temporarily ignore the humiliation associated with playing for an American soccer team, and to be even gayer than usual, because in Europe they're OK with that. To celebrate a goal, he ripped his shirt off and leapt into the arms of a teammate, and smothered him gloriously betwixt a golden pair of perfect pecs. [JustJared]
  • Tiger mistress Jamie Jungers is teaming up with Gordon Ramsay fuck buddy Sarah Symonds for work with Mistresses Anonymous, a support group to help women "get out of toxic relationships with other people's husbands." She appears, however, to have the gawking public's interest at heart: "Ideally what I'd like to do is a TV special with all of Tiger's mistresses, where they could discuss the downside to being 'the other woman,' and whether he was good in bed." [P6]
  • Lindsay Lohan was in an alleged hit-and-run that injured a "220-pound male" photographer. Why is his weight relevant? He was still way smaller than the car. TMZ has video of it, and, call me heartless, but the guy was purposefully standing in front of a moving vehicle. The driver is now a person of interest for criminal assault with a deadly weapon. [NYDN] [TMZ]
  • Don't you love it when the gossips use the word "canoodle"? That is what Whitney Port and Brody Jenner have been doing, according to a "source." Once every single The City/The Hills sexual permutation has occurred, confetti and streamers should pour down from the ceiling. [Gatecrasher]
  • Dr. Conrad Murray is so deep in the muck of Jacko's death, he isn't even in a position to cut a deal with the D.A. [TMZ]
  • Despite photographic evidence to the contrary, Rihanna and L.A. Dodger Matt Kemp are "just friends." The kind who squeeze each others' butts during pleasure getaways in stunning Mexican resorts, which is widely acknowledged to be the best kind. [Gatecrasher]
  • Bad news: NFL star buying guns. Good news: He also bought camouflage gear and hunting supplies. The Oakland Raiders' Darren McFadden is an "avid hunter" and licensed. (So much sports gossip today. NFL playoffs rubbing off on the gossip mongers?) [TMZ]
  • Engagement Ring Watch: The one Russell Brand gave Katy Perry is of an appropriately intimidating size and heft. [fig.1] Apparently Russell proposed in India on New Year's Eve and had the relationship blessed by a "love guru." [DailyMail]
  • Paul McCartney is "toned and relaxed" in these paparazzi pics from the Caribbean, but, blech. Also: old-man knees. Click at your own risk. [DailyMail]
  • Martha Stewart has a date coming up, and she got her hair did fancy in anticipation. "She was there for over two hours getting the works." This does not strike me as a prohibitively long period of time for a woman with intricate highlights. Once you get to three, you're a diva, but two? Merely high maintenance. [P6]
  • Elijah Wood hosted an eating contest called Lord of the Wings. Bartender champ "Big Dan" Graff ate 14 wings in three minutes, and got a little man-crush-y talking about Elijah, who "was a good sport and a really sweet little guy. I'll probably regret saying this, but he's got the biggest blue eyes I've ever seen on a man." [P6]

Figure 1.