New York Times employees are being forced to forage for food outdoors today. The cafeteria is closed because—oh yes—the last 24 hours have brought gastrointestinal sickness to countless innocent NYT employees! Cuisine of DOOM? Scandalous internal memo below.


We have learned that several Times Company employees have become ill with gastrointestinal symptoms over the past 24 hours. We are working with the New York City Department of Health and Restaurant Associates to determine if the cause of these symptoms was food-based and will provide additional information as soon as it becomes available.

While we do not know if the cause is food-related, as a precaution, we are closing the cafeteria for the day.

In order to understand what the cause is, we need to know who has been affected and when. Please contact [redacted] if you have experienced any possible symptoms. Thank you.

As far as we know, all affected employees are on the mend.

Arthur and Janet