New Yorkers are prepared to face anything when they step into a public bathroom, except a crapper that cleans itself. That is too bizarre.

At the turn of the millennium, NYC installed two pay toilets near hellish 34th street, which had the odd ability to lock themselves for two minutes when you left and clean themselves through some magical robotic means. Alas, over the years, the New York Times reports, visits to the toilets have plummeted, with New Yorkers choosing to just go piss in a phone booth rather than shell out 25 cents for what was—admittedly&mdas; a less-than-stellar excretory environment.

"It wasn't a bad experience," [34th Street Partnership President Daniel] Biederman said. "It just wasn't a great experience, and we wanted it to be great."

Perhaps Europeans are willing to part with their heathen coins in exchange for a tepid, neutral bladder evacuation, but here in America we know the value of a quarter, which is: One stunningly satisfactory pee and/ or poop. The robot toilets have now been replaced with "a quality deluxe manual restroom experience," which is what you'd expect around here.
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