Former Missouri Speaker of the House and opponent of "deviate sexual intercourse" Rod Jetton is facing felony charges for an S&M session gone horribly wrong, because a drunk lady never said "green balloons," allegedly.

The conventional wisdom on Jetton was that he'd go down for corruption, since he ran a political consulting biz while he was still in the state legislature. (All it took was a felony arrest to get him to quit that gig to "spend time with his family.") So this is an unexpectedly depraved turn:

Detective Bethany McDermott's affidavit says Jetton went to the woman's home around 9 p.m. Nov. 15 with two bottles of wine, which he allegedly opened alone in her kitchen. After drinking some of the wine and watching football, the statement said, the victim "began ‘fading' in and out and remembered losing consciousness several times."

The affidavit says Jetton and the alleged victim agreed on a safe word - "green balloons" - that could be used to stop sexual relations during the evening.

Instead, the affidavit says, Jetton hit her on the face and choked her before engaging in intercourse. Jetton allegedly said, "You should have said ‘green balloons,' " before leaving her home the next morning.

Point of query: Isn't the point of a safe word that it's easy to say? "Green balloons" is awfully cumbersome.

Luckily for Jetton (unluckily for humanity) he is not alone. Two other Jefferson City bigwigs recently faced charges for depraved sexual crimes during their tenures as leaders of the Show Me State (which, by the way, is going to need a new nickname if this doesn't let up)

  • Rep. T. Scott Muschany's extramarital affair was no biggie until his mistress' 14-year-old daughter said he came into her room completely naked and forced her to touch him. Luckily, a jury decided that the girl made up the touching part, and since "standing naked next to a 14-year-old girl in bed is not a crime," Muschany was found not guilty.
  • Chief of Staff to the Lieutenant Governor Eric Feltner went to jail last year after a local To Catch a Predator-like sting caught him sending porn to what he thought was a 13-year-old girl.

[KansasCityStar] [KansasCityStar] [mugshot via]