The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation was trying to say "ABC sucks for banning Adam Lambert." They are so mealy-mouthed and non-commital that it took them three, yes three, press releases to say just that. Get a grip, GLAAD.

It's like ABC is GLAAD's boyfriend and they asked, "Do I look fat in these jeans?" and GLAAD said, "No, but I like these other jeans better." And their boyfriend said, "Oh, so you think I'm fat." And then GLAAD said, "We did not say you're fat. We just like these jeans." And then boyfriend responded, "It's us or the jeans!" GLAAD answered, "Can't we just have you both?" The short answer, is no, but here is how it went down.

The first release, which was carried on TMZ at 8:30 yesterday (and which you read about here), said that ABC didn't cancel Adam Lambert's performances on Jimmy Kimmel and New Year's Rockin' Eve because he's gay but because he can't stick to a script and they didn't want to be "caught off-guard." The corporate-loving non-profit thought that was OK.

When everyone was up in arms, they sent an update at 9:30 this morning, saying that they aren't condoning ABC's behavior, but asking for it to clarify its position on the terms "caught off guard."

GLAAD's discussions with ABC focused on confirming that his sexual orientation was not a factor in their decisions. ABC confirmed this is not about a same-sex kiss or his sexual orientation but about being "caught off guard." GLAAD asked ABC and calls on them for clarification on "caught off guard" so that the community knows why Lambert is being denied the opportunity to perform on the network.

So, they'll support ABC if the "caught off-guard" part is not gay-related, but they'll hate them if it was? And isn't it up for them to decide, not to just pass along ABC's party line?

They had some 'splainin' to do, and it came in the form of another update, this time from Jarrett Barrios, President of the group.

We appreciate ABC's commitment to gay and transgender inclusion in other programming. However, let us be clear that GLAAD remains steadfast in our assertion that Adam Lambert is being subjected to a double standard by ABC as an openly gay performer. We do not support ABC canceling Adam Lambert's past and future performances. We urge the community to reach out to ABC and express their concerns that Adam Lambert is being subjected to a double standard.

Looks like the cleared up that "caught off-guard" part, and it means that they were mad because Adam was making out with a guard, and he was male. Now they are upset, and you should be too! They even provided email addresses and phone numbers so the outraged gays could call and email ABC about how upset they are. Why not provide Barrios' email and phone number so we can call him and express how disappointed we are in GLAAD for bungling this. At this point, Jeffrey Dahmer is as good for gay visibility as GLAAD is.

Here is the press release they should have sent out: "Dear ABC, Thanks for Ugly Betty and Modern Family, but for canceling Adam Lambert, you totally suck. If you don't fix this, all the gays are going to hate you and GLAAD is going to stop taking your money and giving you our pointless awards. Also, there might be protests, and you know that no one makes a sign or comes up with a clever chant like the gays. Don't mess with us. Give Adam his job back. Love, GLAAD."

Instead they tried to please both their gay constituents and their corporate masters. Guess what, guys, you're never going to do both, so it's time to pick a side and stick to it. It will save you a lot of updates in the future.