In your typical Tuesday media column: Americans are zombie slaves to various screens, journalists will compromise for money like everyone else in the world, Indymedia tells the Justice Department to fuck off, and your comically mean reporter of the day.

A new study says Americans spend almost five hours a day in front of the TV. What a bunch of of mindless zombie slobs. Now, continue staring into your computer and DON'T STOP.

Some of America's most prestigious traditional watchdogs of journalistic ethics and independence are now surprisingly amenable to take a check from the government, to support journalism that serves as a check on the government. There's a simple reason for this apparent logical discrepancy: Money talks and bullshit walks, and don't ever let a journalism school tell you different.

And speaking of journalistic independence! The US Justice Department reportedly asked to give them information on all visits to their site on a certain day, and to not disclose that they had been asked to do so. It totally didn't work, not even one bit. Everyone can keep on expressing dangerous anti-American sentiments at

At Letterman extorter Joe Halderman's court hearing today, one reporter "shouted how does it feel to be on other side of mic?" Haha. Reporters are assholes! We'll all be in court on sex-related extortion charges sooner or later, fellas. Empathy.