Taylor Lautner is a lucky werewolf, K-Hud & A-Rod at it like bunnies, Alicia Silverstone puts Craig Ferguson's lights out, Real Housewives torture their children, and Shakira's hips want to lie down and push a baby out. So much gossip!

Kate Hudson and A-Rod are still having sex all the time because they like it. New Yorkers agree that this is better than your mythical magic underpants. [Us Weekly]

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez are two talented and beautiful young ladies who once had the bad taste to date a couple of Jonas Bros. Now that they're older and wiser, they've moved on to better and yummier pastures by capturing themselves a pretty young werewolf by the name of Taylor Lautner (he plays would-be toddler-lover Jacob in the Twilight series). However, Taylor S. and Selena still enjoy a friendship cemented in frozen yogurt! This is against the Hollywood Code of Conduct, which sternly and clearly states that if you have a uterus and have once been in a relationship with a man-type organism, then you must loathe and despise his new girlfriend while you live your life out as a lonely and miserable tabloid queen. Tsk. Kids these days are a scandal. [Lainey Gossip]

Donal Logue once pretended to drive cabs on MTV and everybody loved him. Now Rainn Wilson dresses up like Donal Logue and pretends to drive cabs on some ad and says he got the idea from HBO's Taxicab Confessions. Donal Logue has called him out for violating the Fuglies' Code of Honor. [CDAN]

Richie Notar took a break from girdling the globe and noticed he was flying over Kansas. This freaked him out so much, the crew had to handcuff him to his seat. So then he amused himself by making obscene hand gestures at somebody's mother. He must be a joy to work for if this is the way he behaves in his sleep. [Page Six]

Ta-Nehisi Coates puts Malcolm Gladwell and the New York Times together to ruin football for you forever. [Ta-Nehisi Coates]

Shakira,the world's sexiest keychain, is a self-described die-hard feminist. It is therefore shocking that she is willing to "let her body go" in order to become a mother. Oh, boo! What kind of feminist allows herself to become a breeder? [Celebitchy]

Barbie's deadbeat boyfriend Ken grew up overnight and is now Dateline bait. Warning: Think twice before you click on that link because subject is capable of raping you with his eyes. [The Awl]

A Real Housewife of Someplace You Don't Plan to Visit thinks Suri Cruise and her million dollar wardrobe are a bit meh. She prefers something more "hip". If you look carefully at this terrifying photograph you will notice that the wee pink beastie perched on her lap is indeed a child and yes, she looks nothing like Suri Cruise. Which is good because she needs to save her million dollars for therapy. [Dlisted]

Mandatory Gosselip Update: Are you male? Well, then listen up: the word "tantrum" is now reserved for the exclusive use of females, just like "purse" and "boobs". If you must throw tantrums, then kindly restrain yourself to "mantrums". Thanks! [Dlisted]

Blind Item: The mystifying tale of Adam Pounce-Prick and Miss Priss. Customary bonus points awarded to the person who can decode Ted-speak. [The Awful Truth]