Leighton Meester released her "first" single today on Ryan Seacrest's radio show. It is horrible. Just as every actor wants to direct, every female TV star wants to be a singer. It never ends well.

It's funny that the AutoTune massacre "Somebody to Love" is being billed as Meester's first track, since the song "Birthday" was all over the internet this spring, but that doesn't make it any better. Meester is just the latest in a long line of small-screen ladies who want to hit the top of the charts. Plug your ears and try to stand the drone of AutoTune

Leighton Meester
TV Show: Gossip Girl
Musical Project: "Somebody to Love" (2009)
Gets Points For: Convincing Robin Thicke to sing with her and being Blair Waldorf.
Loses Points For: Not sounding like a creature that is found in nature.
Horrible-ometer: 7

Kim Zolciak
TV Show: The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Musical Project: "Tardy for the Party" (2009)
Gets Points For: Having a good beat, being a little catchy, and making Andy Cohen dance. Also says she has no desire to sing again.
Loses Points For: Did you watch her try to sing on the show? There's more robot than human on the track.
Horrible-ometer: 4

Heidi Montag
TV Show: The Hills
Musical Project: A number of singles, including "Body Language" (2009)
Gets Points For: Stealing from pop geniuses Yaz
Loses Points For: Have you heard this thing? The beat, the chorus, the singing, everything is disgusting.
Horrible-ometer: 10

Brooke Hogan
TV Show: Hogan Knows Best and Brooke Knows Best
Project: Two albums, Undiscovered (2006) and The Redemption (2009)
Gets Points For: Persistence.
Loses Points For: There's a reason you were undiscovered, and, sorry, there is no redemption after this.
Horrible-ometer: 6

Jo De La Rosa
TV Show: The Real Housewives of Orange County, Date My Ex: Jo and Slade
Musical Project: Unscripted (2008)
Gets Points For: Going away.
Loses Points For: "Singing" the song "Rumors" about how she can't stand people talking about her after she signed up for a reality TV show.
Horrible-ometer: 7

Hayden Panettiere
TV Show: Heroes
Musical Project: A number of singles for Disney movies, "Wake Up Call" (2008)
Gets Points For: Sounding a little bit like Gwen Stefani.
Loses Points For: Not being punk enough to carry off a reggae-inflected slow jam.
Horrible-ometer: 4

Jamie-Lynn Sigler
TV Show: The Sopranos, Entourage
Musical Project: Here to Heaven (2001)
Gets Points For: Giving up the dream.
Loses Points For: Not making fun of it on Entourage. You will not reach heaven until you atone for your sins.
Horrible-ometer: 4