The Way We Live Now: Doggedly. Are hot dogs the solution to our nation's unemployed ex-con crisis? No, not at all. But it's a thought. Similarly, happy ads won't restore our rotten financial institutions. But they'll make you $$$mile!!!

Fella by the name of James Andrews figured he could help out ex-cons and do himself a favor in the meantime, so he opened up a hot dog joint by the name of "Felony Franks" on the West side of Chicago. Trouble is, the community's not too fond of his prison-themed decor, and Andrews finds himself in a PR pickle. The solution? For James Andrews to somehow morph into something other than a fat white man, which is what he is.

Just a small little story to illustrate a big lesson: We can't depend on fat white men to save our economy. That means Congress is out. Instead, we have to turn to the slimmer white men on Madison Ave. Big companies like GE and Bank of America are using the artistic medium of advertising to communicate to you, the consumer, the following sentiment: Everything is fine. "America's future is bright." Proceed apace with your consumer purchasing. Perhaps you were considering taking out a bank loan or purchasing a jet engine, but had hesitated to do so because of your doubts regarding the luminosity of America, in the days and weeks to come? Rest assured, its luminosity is grand. You may make your purchases now.

See? Feels a lot better than just placing a frankfurter order with some pissed off ex-con forced to work for a fat white man in a cement block hot dog joint, doesn't it? That's because America's economy is bigger than that. Not big enough to make its money reach all the way to Hawaii, but big enough. Big enough to throw a hot dog of wealth down everyone's hallway: Fat, rich, white, male, or...other.
[Pic via]