Three-steps-from-crazy-cat-lady WSJ columnist Peggy Noonan is teaching at Harvard. Our spies report: "Peggy's a ridiculous, hilarious person to speaking with any authority on anything at all." They've provided us with her awesome quotes. We're presenting them emoticon-contextualized them for you.

Now, credit where credit's due: a few weeks ago, John wrote:

You do not want to miss the weekly festival of swooning self-regard and misty incoherence that will be Peggy Noonan's "Study Group" for undergrads this year, during her fellowship at the Kennedy School's Institute of Politics.

Let's see how on the money he was. Tipster, take us away:

After about an hour with the woman, I'm happy to report that she seemed incredibly inebriated, and seldom more than a little coherent. Peggy was a ridiculous and hilarious person to speaking with any authority on anything at all.

It gets better:

First of all, she spoke. Exactly. As. She. Writes. She emphasized these fragments by pounding on the desk with each word. Her eyes focused, and and more frequently unfocused. A couple of times she spit onto her brown vest and pretended it didn't happen. She looked older than her press photos. Ms. Noonan spoke in a sing-song, condescending voice reserved usually for developmentally delayed 2nd graders. After she completed a thought, she'd pause and smile, staring at the air in front of her, reflecting on her impeccable delivery and overreaching wisdom. She used baseball metaphors more than twice.

I'll count that as a double. More, please:

She isn't teaching a class. It's a study group. It's just two hours of listening to a woman who should not be permitted to operate heavy machinery.

Sometimes, this job does itself. Here are your Peggy Noonan Goes to Harvard quotes. Someone get this woman to a kegger. Or at least a regatta. I've provided context with them strictly with emoticons. I think, for all intents and purposes, they otherwise speak for themselves:

  • "I'm not a brain surgeon. You have to be a professional. I did my best and I didn't kill anybody. I can't remember what the point of my answer is." : )

  • "You know, and the problem with George W. Bush, is that he made the whole world so nervous. Y'know!" :-O

  • "My study group is about being a person who thinks things and believes them and turns them into words that convey thoughts and feelings." : /

  • "You never have to feel that you're not allowed to think what you think." (>.<)

  • "I wasn't sure I could wear mascara every day. One should dress. One should wear mascara when one can." 8<

  • "I wasn't sure I could stay awake all day. This is one of the major stresses of life - making sure you can stay awake all day. I happen to think sleep is one of the most important things in life. Trying to wake up, trying to fall asleep. I don't know why I'm talking about this." :,(

  • "It's not a faux pas to love your country. Its history. Its traditions. Love it. Bring that love into the world. Share it and the world looks at you and says, ‘Oh, I get it!'" :D

  • "My best advice for you is never feel bad about being a loser." :-#

  • "You Have To Let Your Freak Flag Fly." >°,,,°<