Brett Ratner has an essay on BlackBook's website about how hard it is to be him because everyone is talking about how awesome Brett Ratner is on the internet. Sorry, but all we could find is people making fun of you.

Well, that's not entirely true, over the past seven days, there have been some nice things said about the Hollywood director, but we certainly didn't find the tweets he was talking about. In the piece, he says the "other day" he flew to New York, and on the trip a limo driver tweeted about the tip he left. To do that, a lot of things would have to happen: the limo driver would have to recognize Brett Ratner, he'd have to risk his job and life to tweet while driving, and Brett Ratner would have to leave a good tip. At least two of any of those three things seem unlikely to occur.

Also, Ratner claims two "performance artists" tweeted that he would attend their strip show, and a kid tweeted that he was a thief. We couldn't find any of these. In BlackBook Ratner says that the constant surveillance of people recognizing him and writing about what he's doing and how awesome he is really harshing his mellow. That apparently seems to be a problem only in Bizarro Cyberspace where Ratner lives.

Mostly, what people were talking about was how he would produce a new Roman Polanski documentary.

Some excerpts of what people were really saying:

  • @BrianLynch says: :Brett Ratner's Roman Polanski doc will have the kickiest soundtrack and most hilarious fish out of water misunderstandings a doc can HAVE."
  • @hunterstep says: Polanski is like white peoples' oj, except he's guilty and he didn't murder anyone, and he's friends with brett ratner.
  • @John_Hollahan says: Even if I felt drugging/raping were ok, Brett Ratner's support would give me pause. On any issue, really.
  • @AdamTM24 says: Brett Ratner, McG, Roland Emmerich, Joel Schumacher, Friedberg/Seltzer, Tom Rothman. All clown shoes when it comes to movie making.
  • @katerbee says: You know how to decide how you feel something? find out what Brett Ratner thinks, then think the opposite.
  • @PAPPADEMAS says: Also: Brett Ratner got a "Special Thanks" for, like, just being a good dude. His heart is so big it has a poolhouse you could crash in.
  • @Meli_Molina says: Oh yea, saw New York, I Love You. I still don't have a soft spot for NYC and I still hate Brett Ratner with a fiery passion

But Ratner still looks on the bright side, seeing past the drawbacks of living in a world where limo drivers and strippers constantly tweet about how excited they are to be near you:

Maybe I should look at the positive side of constant surveillance. Maybe it's a sign that when one of my films comes out, and it's really good, all of those secret spies will tell everyone about it, and get more people into the theater for opening weekend. But then again, they might not like what they've seen and tell everyone that the movie isn't worth their dollars.

From our not very scientific market research, we're going to have to go with the latter.

[Image via Getty]