Dave Eggers, lord of twee literature, has declared he will personally save print media. But not until the author and McSweeney's publisher starts selling this lamentable little iPhone app.

What is catastrophic about this app?

  • It is a mere "weekly sampler."
  • It is a "weekly sampler" from "all [annoying] branches of the [Eggers/]McSweeney's family" (emphasis added), including The Believer, McSweeney's Quarterly, and the DVD quarterly Wholphin, plus books by various annointed authors.
  • It is a "weekly sampler" that you pay $6 for.
  • It is a "weekly sampler" that you pay $6 for that nevertheless expires after six months.
  • It is officially called "The Small Chair." Oh, so cute.
  • Typing "Small Chair" into iTunes gets you nothing, because this app is actually just called "Mc Sweeney's."
  • The app bills itself as "a half-year of surprises, delivered straight to your pocket."
  • From the FAQ: "Q. Why do I swipe right-to-left to turn the page, but then the page flips upwards? A. Yeah, that's kind of weird."
  • Ibid.: "Q: Why do some pages scroll and other pages flip? A. We're trying to echo the original format of the content, with a balance between convenience and design. Text from the Internet Tendency (and other informational bits) scroll; books and stories flip."

How much do we have to pay to make sure no McSweeney's ever gets on our iPhone? Is There An App For That?