Lo! Like a slow, squawking bird sent down from heaven to a desultory duck hunting expedition, Microtrend-inventing flack Mark Penn is back with another WSJ column. His first since we learned how dirty he is!

Recap: We got a leaked internal email in which a Burson-Marsteller executive mused over how to use Mark Penn's newspaper column as a tool for attracting clients from the industry he had just written about. Which is totally unethical! But the WSJ decided to keep Penn as a columnist after a mealy-mouthed explanation, because they are pathetic, just like Penn himself. Now, at long last, Mark has cast more intellectual Micro-Pearls before swine (people like you).

Did you know that people have cell phones now and not home phones? Mark Penn calls that a million-dollar motherfuckin' Microtrend, kids. You know who is bucking said trend? Burson-Marsteller CEO Mark Penn.

But the flip side of phoneless homes is a more transparent, always-on lifestyle represented by the rise of cellphones. Landline or no, I'll stay connected to my daughter. But she can always phone home — we're resisting becoming a phoneless home, at least for now, if only so she won't miss the reassurance of place, as I do.

Burson client Sony Ericsson heartily applauds this growing Microtrend and all its various manifestations! The FreeMove Mobile Alliance (a Burson client!) salutes it as well! This is a great excuse to call all the telecom companies—we can send a note from MJP saying he wants a meeting, to discuss Mictrotends, and the ways in which they touch one's heart! And family! And daughters!

Is Burson-Marsteller capable of being embarrassed by anything? Not sure, but we'll find out.
[Pic: Getty]