One Wall Street analyst predicts Steve Jobs will show up for Apple's Apple's iPod event next week; others doubt it. The frenzied chatter is just one way people turn into hysterical teenaged girls before these Apple things. Especially online.

Take, for example, these excerpts from a MacRumors chat forum about the event. Apple is widely expected to make a fairly routine update to its line of iPod portable music players, adding larger storage capacities and perhaps cameras. But that's not going to keep the fanboys from fantasizing about jetpacks and unicorns!

Or, literally, rainbows:

Or how about a device that lets you keep 10 years worth of Steve Jobs porn video and audio in your pocket?

What could possibly be better than the Beatles showing up? The Beatles and Steve Jobs showing up, and pushing Phil Schiller to the curb, forever:

This guy is very eager to spend $400 so he can run things slightly faster:

This guy wants to see a real, live, humanoid female! Ha ha, good luck with that buddy LOL:

Finally, here are a couple of overlong wish lists involving AT&T subsidizing the return of the LP, via the iPod, with free cable TV, animated album covers (read: free drugs), half terabyte hard drives and alien "OLED" screen technology. OK!

(Top pic: Jobs holds a new iPod at Apple's iPod event, September 9, 2008. Getty.)