There is so little "real news," in August. So you can create your own conspiratorial mythology, like Glenn Beck, or you can just turn literally everything you say into a "that's what she said" joke, like everyone else on TV.

Intern Ari Golub compiled this truly impressive clip of everyone on every channel at every hour of the day making barely veiled oral sex and gay jokes, nonstop, because we are not a very mature nation.

Special shout-out to Brian Kilmeade, the friendliest of the Fox & Friends, who seems strangely repelled by and drawn to any physical contact of any kind among manly men, naked together in showers or no.