The high society better-than-yous who summer in The Hamptons are under the impression that there is some legitimate moral stratification of Hamptons summer society magazines. They fuss and fight as if they were doing something marginally useful, or coherent!

There are oh so many of these Hamptons society magazines, with party pictures galore. Which one keeps it the realest, society-wise? The New York Observer finds a shocking number of people who will discuss that question as if it were not a self-evident farce. Decry the poseurs, fawning socialite chronicler David Patrick Columbia!

"With the great bubble of prosperity, you had all these aspirants to that world," Mr.[David Patrick] Columbia continued. "But since they are not part of it, they've actually created their own world-a satellite world which they call society, which it absolutely is not. They're trying to create a hierarchy based on publicity, which is something that follows hierarchy-it doesn't precede it."

Put your feud with rival vapid magazine Hamptonite into perspective, Social Life editor Devorah Rose, pictured!

"It was like Olivia Palermo versus Tinsley," Ms. Rose chimed in. "They were trying to Olivia Palermo us!"

Call out the fakers, celebrity photog Joan Jedell!

"Social Life doesn't interest me," Ms. Jedell said, "because it's like, ‘Who are these people?'"

Break it all down, Andrew Cuomo's sister-in-law!

"When Pamela [Gross, Avenue's editor] asked me to be on the cover, I asked her, ‘Don't you see this as competition?'" Ms. Cuomo recalled. "And she said, ‘No, we only cover society. You cover affluence.'"

Now everyone go throw up on purpose!